now playing: of monsters and men: empire

don't you hate it when you hear the same answer to solving your problem and it's never. that. simple. like losing weight, all you gotta do is drink more water, cut carbs, eat your veggies etc etc and you just cannot follow through. or when you want to boost productivity and the solution is to make a list, break the task down into smaller tasks, put away your smart phone, and just focus..

yeah right.

i've struggled a lot with wanting to accomplish these things and more. but i get mired in overwhelm and frustation, dwell on it, and nothing gets done. no progress gets made. and then i feel even shittier for not being able to get it done.

over the past few months, i've slowly added more self-care into my life. a lot of times i feel guilty because it's taken so much energy to do these basic things and then i barely have enough energy to get a sufficient amount of work done or do some chores. but overall, and my therapist reminds me, that these are good things, and still worth it, even though no one's gonna give me a gold star for eating breakfast or taking a shower. i have to remind myself that overall, it keeps me in a better place, physically and mentally.

somehow i had the energy to start going through my stuff and work on decluttering and organizing slowly. i feel like sometimes i have lowkey hoarding tendencies and it gives me anxiety, but i think a lot of it has to do with not having a good organization system for my possessions.

lately i've been really into stationary, plushies, clothing and accessories; things of the like i wanted but couldn't afford growing up because i was poor. so having these things now, let alone having a way to keep them is something i'm still kind of getting used to. i'm trying to get used to buying things that i truly like and not just because it was cheap or on sale and then it just becomes more clutter for me to never use but have anxiety over when things get so messy. and then there's the guilt of getting sucked into consumerism and contributing to waste and oh i could go on.

3:27 p.m. - 2022-02-13

breathing underwater - living under glass